No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
