I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
