Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
