Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
