I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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