you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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