Don't you send me to vm
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
