Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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