We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
