You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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