I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
