i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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