Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So much rum. So many feels.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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