I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
