Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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