I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
