I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize