Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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