I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
