My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
