I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
