Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
