How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
