how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
