Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize