Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
