Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
