cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
