Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
