the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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