I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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