WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
