May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
