Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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