This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You don't make any sense
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