"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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