Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
