DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize