I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
