he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
