How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
