The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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