we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
