great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
