I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
