i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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