The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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