I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
