it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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