i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
