I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
where are my eyebrows?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
