sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
