She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
