i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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