You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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