is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize