I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
