Im at strip club and am horny
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
