Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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