So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Less talking, more tequila
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
