if you like me you must not know who I am
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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