The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
