My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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