Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
