I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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