Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
