Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
