Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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