Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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